Sunday, 17 October 2010

Sun, Oct 17 - St Paul's & St Bride's & Temple, Susan returns from weekend in Paris

Determined to go to St Paul’s. Thought mass started at 10am. Fortunately it started at 10.15am. Sat in the row reserved for Amen Court without realizing it. Then a Virgir (or was she a Warden?) addressed the man sitting closer to the aisle to tell him as much, and he said he was a friend of someone from Amen Court, and she apologized. ‘I don’t recognize everyone, I’m so sorry.’ His name was Nigel Chapel, and he’s a nurse and regular congregant at St Andrew’s over on High Holborn. He told me there’s a service Wednesday night, and people stay for a potluck dinner afterwards. He also mentioned St Ethelberger’s two blocks down from Liverpool Street Station as an inter-faith church, big on truth and reconciliation and such. He crossed himself at every opportunity, and bowed over slightly to the Deacons, and even knelt to pray. I wonder what he thought of my not crossing myself or taking communion. He sang to the tune and I secretly hoped he appreciated my sort-of sight-reading the music. Not that I can do that on my own, but it does help with singing along if the person next to you knows the tune. At the 10.15am the sermon was by the Reverend, a young woman with a short black bob, and she talked about how the god of the Old Testament was seen as wrathful, and the god of the New Testament was seen as forgiving – but how in fact god had many dimensions throughout.  I didn’t feel moved. At the 11.30am the sermon was by David Jenkins, the Archbishop of Sudbury (or some such), and he wove in the liberation of the Chilean miners. He said he’d been invited to speak 12 months ago. Talk about leaving your speech to the last minute.  He talked about how their faith was what kept them going. And how having faith gives life a framework, and meaning, that is otherwise lacking. No duh. Question is whether that so-called ‘meaning’ derived from imagining a god-given framework is in fact meaningful at all.

After the service I walked past the M&S to Ave Maria lane and around Amen Court, just to check it out. Nigel had told me where to find it. I had hoped he’d ask me for a coffee after the service, but he left right away. He seemed an interesting bloke. Works with victims (survivors) of domestic violence. Commented that it’s the best job he’s ever had – after running the neurology department at St Bart’s. ‘It’s the closest to a vocation I’ve come.’ He also said he hadn’t realized how much violence there was in his own life until he took this job. Seemed like someone with his head and heart in the right place(s). Though I didn’t like the way he smelled. Nothing dire, just vaguely off-putting, like I was afraid of getting close enough to smell his breath. He kept popping these sweets into his mouth. Maybe he was cognizant of his odor. Or maybe the sweets were causing it.

It was a beautiful day out. Sunny and just warm enough for a double layer. Had a Pret latte and tomato-and-cheese hot croissant sitting out on the monument bench, for old times’ sake. Checked Citibank’s opening hours, and then popped into Black’s to see about a mosquito net. Browsed the Lonely Planet Volunteer and Africa guides. Contemplated buying them to return them in a few days. Satisfied myself with the information I gleaned browsing on the spot. I ought to get in touch with Sean G in Tangiers. And the guide says that Mauritania is more interesting than Overlanders would imply by shooting through without stopping. Checked out backpacks as well, because I’m thinking of doing some traveling with Anna, and for that would need something lightweight I can carry on my back. Thought the 30+5 liter Black’s pack was the best in terms of size, design, and material. But didn’t buy anything. Spoke with Wren later and she said, ‘We have a packs of different sizes here; take a look and see what you’d like to borrow.’ She also reminded me to check in with Anna about a mosquito net. They cost about GBP 30 for a single, and Anna knows a tour guide who sells second-hand ones left by his customers, cheap.

Ambled down Fleet Street, and dropped in at St Bride’s because Ensign had been. Its steeple inspired wedding cake design. The bombing in WWII revealed the crypt, where there is now an interesting display about the early designs of the church (the first iterations date back to the 11th century) and the history of printing on Fleet Street (dating back to 1570 or thereabouts, when the first press was installed).

Cut down the alley by the Cheshire Cheese (the pub by the west entrance to Goldman Sachs) to the house of Dr Johnson, the creator of the first English language dictionary. Gough Square leads into New Street Square, where a box shaped building covered in plants occupies the center of the square. It’s the Land Securities headquarters, from which the properties around the square are managed. I was taking a photo of the address, and struggling to capture the hazy print against the glass, when two security guards came out and asked if they could help me. ‘No.’ Afterwards we struck up a conversation, and the smarter of the two said they’d been instructed that LS didn’t want people taking any photos of the buildings on the square. Counter-terrorist measures, perhaps?

Bottomed out onto Fleet Street again by the Courts of Justice. Followed some tourists down a side alley into Temple, where a gate was propped open. Passed the Middle Temple, and the Gardens, like when I’d visited on Open Houses weekend; but the far gate on the Embankment was locked this time and I had to double back to Fleet Street. I almost caught a bus back to Waterloo, but instead dodged into the courtyard of Somerset House. The fountain was still on. A pair of older men were walking through the spurts. Not worth getting my boots wet for that. The sun was golden. Walked through the Seamen’s Building out to the terrace overlooking the Thames, then West to Waterloo Bridge. Lovely light over the river. A rescue dingy speeding towards Blackfriar’s Bridge, a joy ride no doubt. The flashing lights on the National Theatre advertising Hamlet at the Olivier. Decided to see if there were tickets left for this week. There aren’t. But I can queue tomorrow morning for GBP 10 tickets, or ring up for GBP 5 standing tickets, which are available since the show is sold out.

Caught sight of a ‘How to do Accents’ book through the window of the lobby bookstore, and was intrigued. But it was in plastic. Leafed through some sample monologue books for auditions, but was not inspired. Then caught sight of ‘Bird by Bird’ on the ‘Writing/Directing’ shelf, and sat and read the first four chapters. Paul gave me a copy years ago, but I never cracked the cover, I don’t think. Best to read it ‘on the sly’ now at the bookstore. Again, contemplated buying it and returning it – but I’m more likely to read the damn thing if I just return and read it on the spot. There’s a book out about Fela, the play about the Nigerian musician that’s about to open. And a ‘Hidden Walks’ about London book caught my eye.

Ducked in to the BFI, and through the sliding door to the Mediatheque. No TV’s were free, and I was hungry and tired anyway – but I do want to return and watch a movie there. The Film Theatre and the bar were buzzing.

Stopped in at the Sainsbury’s for some Kumula wine on sale, and once home devoured a large bowl of fetucinni with left-over haddock and tomatoes. And a container of Covent Garden Squash and Sweet Potato Soup. Watched ‘The Head of Ife’, which Susan has on DVD – the story of a bronze sculpture from Nigeria that changed the way Westerners looked at African art (and craftsmanship).  The first Westerner saw it (or one like it) in 1910 or so,  but it was  then ‘re-discovered’ (and bought and traded to the British museum) only in 1958 or so. The bronzes from Benin are better known – I’ve seen some, though didn’t realize they were from Benin. I ought to visit the African Galleries at the British Museum before I leave.

Finished ‘The Beginning of Spring’ by Penelope Fitzgerald. Wonderfully keenly and drily observed story set in 1913 of Frank Reid, an Englishman born and bred in Moscow but educated and married in England around , who takes his wife back to Russia to run his father’s printing press. The bookends of the story are her leaving him unexpectedly and inexplicably, and her returning just as unexpectedly and inexplicably 187 pages later.  It’s revealed at the end that she had (or wanted to have) an affair with Selwyn Crane, the Tolstoy disciple and Reid Press accountant. Meanwhile Selwyn has leaned on Frank to take on an impoverished Russian girl, Lisa Ivanova, as governess for the three motherless children – she is another Tolstoy disciple and has a bewitching effect on men (including or especially Frank Reid). Frank’s observations of his Russian employees, the taxi (or sled) drivers and station masters, and his neighbor Kuriatin are hilarious. The bits about Lisa are vague and vaguely magical – and, I found, out of keeping with Frank’s usually keen eye for detail. Maybe that’s supposed to be an indication of how Lisa appeals to the right brain of a typically left brained man; but I found it un-compelling.

Susan returned on the Eurostar from Paris about 8pm. I described my run-in with Sharon, and she made sympathetic comments about selfish and self-centered people in general, and Israelis in particular. She’d  vegged in Paris; hadn’t felt like doing much. Brought back a bagful of red peppers with her. ‘They were going cheap.’ Sat and drank a bottle of red wine and had some carrot soup and nut bread with some Montegomery cheddar (‘the way cheddar is suppose to taste; not like that rubbery stuff they sell in a lot of stores’).  Up till 1am-ish chatting, blogging, browsing what restaurants have 2-for-1 deals on.

Didn’t talk to Sharon today. Did talk with Lucy. She’s just back from Dundee where George had a solo show. Got the red carpet treatment. Nice hotel and all meals paid for.  Wednesday a curator friend from Yale is having an opening at the National Portrait Gallery, and is invited over for dinner Thursday. Friday she hoped I’d come out with Kaz and Deidre and Frank. Tomorrow (Monday), the only thing she has on is ‘Ba Ba Babies’ (or some such) – mums singing nursery songs at a local community center, with their babies rapt on their laps.

Ensign was due to leave for the US today. He moved his flight up because he’d contracted a touch of bronchitis, and knew it’d take him some days to recover, and figured he could better do that back home in Chicago than with Ama (or at a hostel) in London. Would have been nice to see him, but it isn’t meant to be.

Sat, Oct 16 - Brunch with Sharon & Patrick, The Wire (Season 4, Episodes 1-4)

Slammed door on departure without saying goodbye to Sharon

Fri, Oct 15 - Dentist & Blood at St Thomas, Dinner at Sharon & Patrick's with Milou

Thur, Oct 14 - Shrewsbury to London by train

Read Catcher in the Rye

Wed, Oct 13 - Shrewsbury with Anna, Critical Friends dinner with Richard & Carl

Tues, Oct 12 - Spring Cleaning of Wren's with Karen, Dinner with Sabine & Anna

Dear Mom,

I hope everything has gone / is going smoothly, and that you're
reading this from your newly installed old computer in your
bedroom/study in your freshly refurbished Mund apartment. Say Hi to
Paul if he's just gotten the WiFi working! ;)  And to Huub, who may be
monitoring progress over your shoulder  ;)  Seriously -- I'm wishing
you a second (third? fourth?) wind in this process, and hope the week
at Jim's afforded you the opportunity to catch up on sleep (as well as
take care of all sorts of admin, rent a car, etc), and that you
managed to do the household shopping you wanted to do prior to move
in.

How are you feeling? Or is that a luxury for later?

As for me -- I just spent the day cleaning (up) Wren's house together
with her friend Karen, who will be house-sitting the three months Wren
is in Mali. It's a smallish house with a largish amount of clutter.
And hasn't been cleaned in months, maybe years.

This evening Anna and Sabrina came over for dinner -- part of the
reason I came up with Wren from London on Monday, even though I've got
to be back in London for a doctor's appointment on Thursday. Anna is
flying to Mali on Dec 17th and will be driving back to the UK with
Wren in February. Wren had mooted that Sabrina would be driving to
Mali with us, but it turns out she's not up to it for various reasons
(including MS). So it looks like it'll be just Wren and me driving
south. I thought we'd be spreading out maps and talking packing
tips...but we had dinner and watched a slideshow of Wren's photos from
her last trip and exhibit at the Segou Festival...which did get my
head back 'in the game' a bit, so to speak.  I feel a certain energy
around being in Mali (quite undefined, I admit -- both the energy and
the picture of Mali it inhabits) -- even though I didn't feel a
sympathetic vibration to the 'Oooh, how beautiful' crooning over the
sluggish Niger river, or bone dry Dogon villages, or the dusty single
road that is 'downtown' Segou.

Brief recap of the days since my last email:
Fri - got into London, had dinner with Susan, stayed overnight at
Susan's over the weekend
Sat - 'Wealth Propulsion Intensive' seminar with Wren and her friend
Carol (and 500 or so other enthusiastic people); home late and caught
up with Susan
Sun - nosed around Southwark with Susan and noted the changes
(improvements); went to the Gaugin exhibit at the Tate Modern
Mon - drove up to Shrewsbury with Wren; visited David (another friend
from the Mali trip) on the way
Tues - cleaned house with Karen; dinner at Wren's with Anna and Sabrina

And preview of the coming days:
Wed - Critical Friends dinner at Wren's
Thurs - back to London, doctor's appt; staying at Susan's
Fri - dentist appt
Weekend - hope to see Lucy and Sharon (Susan is going to Paris for the weekend)

Btw - Ensign emailed, and I emailed back with the youth hostel
suggestion and my mobile number. I hope we'll connect while he's in
town.

Ok, and the important stuff I have to do:
- apply for KIVA fellows program
- get an international driver's license
- lookup ESL teacher trainings... Susan has a friend in the ESL world
who I can talk to to get the lay of the land re: certifications
- as for a visa for Mali, they can be had at the border now (so no
need to send my passport off to Brussels, thankfully)
- my yellow fever shot is still valid, and I think I'm covered on the
rest (Tetanus, Hep C, etc) but need to double check with a doctor; and
then there are the malaria pills to be got

Right ho, thanks for 'listening' to all that :) It's nice  talking to
you (in my mind) -- but hope to catch you 'live' some day SOON.

Thinking of you, wishing you veel sterkte, and trusting this phase of
your transition is being cushioned by the love, dedication and
resourcefulness of Jim and Paul (and associates ;)

Heel veel liefs,
Marlies

Mon, Oct 11 - Drove London to Shrewsbury with Wren (warm sunny day)

7am Susan’s alarm went off, out the door by 8.15 or so; invited me to human rights conference if I didn’t leave for Shrewsbury. Great Gatsby. Bath-ed. Dentist finally picked up at 9am – my appt was for Tues, but I could move it to Fri 11am, so I did. Doctor is Thurs at 4pm. Packed bags, had some breakfast, emailed V (‘alone’ again in London) & Llyn (went to Zurich) & Ensign (St Paul’s youth hostel), finished Great Gatsby. A tragedy. Man living in his dreams of the past, misunderstood, killed for the one crime he did not commit. Kinda contrived, depressing in the life it observed and in its take on that life – but loved F Scott Fitzgerald’s writing. The outsider looking in, just inside ‘enough’ to get the look in to take the snapshot; long sentences that restores language to something to be paid attention to; quirky images and turns of phrase. Like Conference of the Birds in that way (the author an outsider-insider). / 11.30am Bakerloo to Queens Park & 34 Lynton Rd, saw Kris again who wished us well on our journey to Mali. Stopped for petrol and a sandwich (tuna-sweetcorn). 14.30 David Hughes’ (Kaptin Hornblower) at Westminster Drive 47 in Hinckley. Chatted in the sunny conservatory for ½ hr over a cuppa Darjeeling. His mother is poorly and might die any day. Has had leukemia for 10 years, but has been fine. Then discovered a tumor in her thumb and amputated it – but have now found a lump in her lymph nodes. She’s in a shelter / hospice, where she’s receiving care. David says he can’t – nor would he want to – give her the kind of care she requires. His brother is ‘worse than useless’; he hasn’t even been to see her since he learned of her condition after complaining to David she wasn’t answering her phone at home. David was planning on spending some weeks in Marval (France), but wants to stay near his mother for the time being. He’s excited to go to Salif’s gig in Birmingham later in Oct, once Wren reminded him, and would also like to join for the party (and jam-session) with musicians and dancers Wren is planning to host in Shrewsbury. David keeps a neat and well-loved house, the walls adorned with African masks, ‘jokes’ (like the stuffed cats) tucked here and there. He lives off his pension (he was made redundant and then took retirement at 54) and giving sax lessons. He said he’d been apprehensive about living on such a small income, but he’s finding he’s perfectly fine. 15.30 Left to meet Ray in Bliss Hill (sp?) near Telford for a discussion of the space to be used for the performance on Oct 30th. Took the M69 the wrong way (N rather than S) and ended up delayed looping north on the M1 and west on the A5 – so missed meeting with Ray. 17.30 stopped at a pub for a pee and cuppa tea and some prefab crumble with custard. Judy from Tom’s Shoes was scheduled to call Wren at 1800 but never did. 19.00 or so: got some groceries at Sainsbury’s in Shrewsbury (Moede Brice retail ctr, sp?) on the way home (it’s a 7min walk – or bike – from Wren’s). 19.30 37 Oak Street. Imogen at home doing her homework on the couch watching TV. Wren ordered some gin & tonics and we cheers-ed our reunion. Dinner of tortellini with arabiata sauce, and salad, watching Tricky Things (or some such – the show about retired detectives solving unsolved mysteries). Suggested we watch a 2nd episode and then slept through it. Imi did the dishes on Wren’s command (since she hadn’t done them last time asked).

Wren’s place is a tip. Stuffed to the gills with crap. No clear surface. What’s garbage? Dusty, hasn’t been cleaned in ages. Similar feel to Susan’s, in a way – just Susan has nice stuff and she does keep it clean.  An English woman-of-a-certain-age thing? Reminds me of the Vincent in Brixton observation by a Dutchman of British lack of cleanliness. I can live with it: I’m revulsed, I can’t ‘understand’ / ‘conceive of’ living this way --  but somehow don’t feel it affecting my person… or: my person is outside of it. How Marybeth chooses to live, how Vernon chooses to live, creates a much greater sense of well-being. I do wonder whether Wren notices the difference. Or if all of life is ‘camping’ – and when she’s in nicer homes all she perceives is the ‘good luck’ of the nice atmosphere, not the effort that goes into it. Or maybe she appreciates it, just knows she doesn’t want to make the sacrifices to achieve it. I don’t either, really – but I don’t like the results when the effort is NOT made. And I’m realizing that the effort, made habit, is not as great a burden as I make it when investing more in thought than action.

Wren was in a great mood this morning. Because she’d seen her art in a show in London? Because the sun was shining? No, just because J Nice to be around that energy again.

On the way to Queens Park on the tube: The Purpose of life is to experience Magic, Bliss. And: My view is my gift; seeing the world as I do is my contribution; that’s it, that’s all I have, and that’s great / enough / what it’s all about (each blood cell making it’s addition to / creating together the throbbing rush in the arteries of life)

Sun, Oct 10 - Gaugin with Susan

Sunday, Oct 10th – 101010 – Gaugin w Susan

Sat, Oct 9 - Wealth Propulsion Intensive

6.45am without alarm. Answered Mom’s email till 7.30am. Checked on Congestion Zone for Wren (doesn’t apply  on weekends)  and googled tfl.gov.uk for directions to the Ibis at Brompton Road where the WPI seminar is being held. Delays on the District Line due to insufficient trains. Something to do with the wheels being defective. Didn’t have time to see if V was back home yet from his Sovoso gig at the Unitarian Church in Oakland (but I don’t expect he was). Left home belatedly at 8.26am. Got a banana, apple, passion yoghurt drink, orange juice at the Costcutter.  Jubilee to Westminster, Circle to South Kensington, Piccadilly to Earls Court, then a short walk to the Ibis hotel. Got there 10mins late, but they were just starting by recapping yesterday’s session, so I got a coffee outside in the lobby. Wren hadn’t arrived yet. / Bigger than Landmark. At least 500 people.  And this weekend is just an intro session (like Landmark’s Wednesday evenings) – that everybody is attending for free except those who ‘upgraded’ to VIP seating at the front for GBP 90. Started with a guy warming us up with a ‘Fact or Crap’ game show give-away to music from Pulp Fiction. Then Johnnie Cass came on, an Australian in his 40’s probably (feels like he’s ‘my age’ for some reason); fit, energetic , whose job it is to help us feel motivated and inspired for 12hrs – to change our lives, and to sign up for the GBP 3,500 week-long seminars (that’s a special price for us; full price is GBP 4,999). ‘Is that Yes, or Yes?’ is a favorite rhetorical device, and he has us repeat the last word of his sentences as a way to keep us engaged. Today we’re doing a series of exercises drawn from the different seminars offered by the Academy of Wealth and Achievement, to give us a taste of (and for) Christopher Howard’s recipes for living our dreams, transforming our lives, and breaking through to success. / Spotted Wren in her red dress and red cowboy boots several rows behind me and to the left. She came over and gave me a kiss after the staring exercise. I went to sit with her and Carol (decked out in turquoise) after the first break. Wren looked tired to me, but she didn’t say anything about it. She told me about off-loading a bunch of stuff at Basia’s, to be donated to the Reservation – and still having to pay for a bag extra on the flight. She said she’d liked retracing our steps, driving west through Flagstaff to LA, revisiting our trip as she went.  I have yet to ask what she got up to in LA. / Did the afternoon exercises with Wren and group – standing and ‘connecting’ with the group, without speaking, just looking, for 3 minutes; and making a 4min pitch to the group of investors. Everybody said they hadn’t prepared, yet everybody came across as passionate and surprisingly articulate about their projects. I pitched getting sponsored to be a Fellow with KIVA. / We cut out for lunch a little early (3.30pm) and had pizzas outside at Pizz@Home. It struck me that everything Carol said was a complaint. She would talk about the Universe giving her just what she needed, but had to mention that she’d been in a bad mood that day, or ill, or tired. And the mutual friends Wren mentioned, Carol complained they’d not returned her messages. Wren herself has not been to Middlesbury to visit Carol, even though Carol has been to Shrewsbury several times to visit Wren. Yet – she’s doing an MFA and has her work in the degree show catalogue, she has a house in Tuscany she’s planning to move to, she’s training to be a life coach… / The late afternoon session focused on getting clarity around our values and our vision, and realizing we needed to generate congruity between our vision and our mission (the path to the vision) if we are ever to achieve the vision.  I stuttered through answering the questions about what I want to have-do-be, as well as the description of ‘my ideal day’ five years hence. / Held out till about 7pm, when Johnnie launched into some intensive marketing of the  Wealth Acceleration I and II seminars. Got a drink (I got a Carpirinha, they got pints of London Pride) together  at the bar opposite the West Brompton tube. Carol said some useful / helpful / ‘raak’ things to me about the valuable-ness of writing every day ‘just because’… I can see what comes of it later; there was someone who just kept a journal of the weather every day, for example, and it proved useful to historians in deducing when a particular battle must have taken place. ‘T is maar’ what your obsession is. I’m not going to make a clay pot every day… but I will (can) write for 30mins every day, and can (will) post a picture I’ve taken, every day. / I related that my ‘dream day’ involved a prop plane and taking aerial photos over Africa and being met by my lover on the runway as the sun set, handing off the camera with prize-winning photos to an assistant who’d get them off to the relevant prestigious magazines. Maybe squeeze the Mediterranean in there somehow. As well as the desert. And family and friends visiting for long-ish periods, staying in my comfortable multi-wing mansion. / Home around 9.30pm, and chatted with Susan -- about Landmark style seminars in general and this one in particular (she detests the concept; Sharine and her brother did Landmark about 10 years ago); about my difficulty responding to the question, ‘What’s brought you joy…in your career, in your personal life, etc’ (I’m either happy in which case I enjoy everything, or depressed and enjoying nothing; it’s not the thing that brings the enjoyment but the chemical state of mind); about the importance of good colleagues and good feedback to our satisfaction at work, and our desire (in part as a result of having bosses we don’t respect) to set up a business where we’ll be the ultimate decision makers. She massaged my back and I massaged hers. Agreed on the importance of being around people who appreciate things – from good food to fine art to virtues like kindness and compassion. / 11pm and I said I had to write, and Susan said she’d bathe and perhaps finish off her taxes (she decided not to, after the bath).

Fri, Oct 8 - AMS to LON, Dinner w Susan at Terraanostra (27 Old Bailey)

Thur, Oct 7 - De Zwaan, V Skype, Lunch Willem, Rose Trudie, Dinner Lucas

Thursday, October 7th – 

Trudie.
-          I’ve just put the heat on.  If one sits for a while one gets chilly
-          I got pickpocketed yesterday. Euro 500. I came home with my groceries and only unpacked them later – and the envelope with the money was gone! I separate my and Madeleine’s shopping into two bags, and I always check the grocery receipt because they make mistakes; that must have been when it happened
-          Would you like some tea, or coffee, or fris, or some rose?  I went upstairs with her to the kitchen, and got a bottle out of the box.
-          I don’t do much these days. I can’t concentrate to read or even watch TV.  Friends come by to visit, but I have to warn them I might not be able to make it at the last minute. The only thing I still do a little of is vermogensbeheer.
-          No, I don’t bike anymore. What if I fell and broke something? I’ve got to think of Madeleine.
-          I hope to be carried out of this house [ie, dead]. I can’t stand the thought of care homes.
-          The houses in this street are selling like hot cakes (als warme broodjes)

The story of Huub & Trudie. Greet (Ghrate) was a friend of Mieke’s and Trudie’s. When Huub came back from Tunisie, Greet asked Trudie if he could come along to dinner, and Trudie said ‘sure.’ He was staying at his mother’s and this was just a few weeks before he was to leave for Lebanon. Trudie was going to the family flat in Monte Carlo, and asked if Huub wanted to come, but he was already bound to take a trip with his mother to (the veluwe? Vosges?). Turned out he couldn’t take it, and came knocking at Trudie’s door three days later, but she was already gone. They had dinner one more time before he left for Lebanon. Greet took him to the airport. Greet was in love with Huub (even though she was married), and didn’t want Trudie to come along to the airport.

She got a wedding announcement, and a birth announcement for Huubke and Marliesje. None for Paultje. Trudie asked why. Huub said they were embarrassed that he’d been born so soon after Huubke, so they’d decided not to send out announcements.

Then in 1972 she bumped into Huub at the train station in Geneva – she with her mother, he with an au pair and a child or two in tow. Her mother had a place in Mies, which went to her sister after her mother’s death. There was some disagreement over the estate, and Trudie lost contact with that sister. Her other sister moved to Canada, and her daughter, Janine Prinse, now lives in Trudie’s neighborhood. Janine is 47 and a documentary film maker, and travels all over the world.

Huub and Marybeth stayed with Trudie on at least two occasions (and at least one, with children).

Madeleine called while I was visiting. We had a chat. I asked her how she was, today, and she said ‘slecht.’ She has cancer of the lungs, and lymph nodes, and brain. 13 tumors in her brain have disappeared, and the growth of the tumors in her lungs and lymph nodes has been halted. However, her kidneys aren’t working properly anymore as a result of all the chemo.

She lives alone in an upstairs flat, and refuses to move to a care home. She often doesn’t get out of bed, which means her muscles are atrophying. A care worker comes twice a day. Trudie brings her shopping.

Her voice sounds old. I try to imagine the beautiful 14 year old I visited with when I was 7, as a ravaged (and quite possibly bald, from all the chemo) ‘old’ woman of 48. That full head of shoulder-length chestnut hair, full cheeks and lips; maybe a nose like Trudie’s, I can’t quite remember.

‘Why did she say ‘slecht’ to you?’ asked Trudie, a rhetorical question. ‘To me she always says she’s fine. She never tells me anything. She doesn’t want to talk about the cancer with me.  Dat kan ik best begrijpen.  We never did have a close relationship. That happens between mothers and daughters. You had a nice conversation with her.

Wed, Oct 6 - Deposited munten at de slager, Dinner with Babette

Picked Babette up at De Zwaan, saw Michiel and met his Malian contact.  Went for tapas at a Spanish place B went with Alec, and later with Aard after their Spanish lessons. The woman behind the counter has a Spanish flamenco dancer look about here (long dark hair, high cheek bones, flashing eyes) but is from Cyprus, and before that hails from Syria. Her husband is Spanish. They tried working together in the restaurant, but that didn’t work at all. He is home now with their 15 month old. The restaurant is long and narrow, with the tapas bar and bar stools taking up most of the width leaving a narrow aisle to walk to the back. There a group at the single table was singing with gusto when we walked in. But they were wrapping up so we sat down that end of the bar, away from the door and the mother with the two ill-tempered kids. The tapas selection is displayed under glass. We had egg salad, garbanzo beans with spinach (my favorite), meatballs, seafood salad, and garlic shrimp sizzling from the kitchen.  And a bottle of white wine. Topped off with a sambuca for me and something else with a hint of arancia for Babette. And another on the house.  And a third because we were still chatting so animatedly before Roberto was sent home to his wife by his father in law in the kitchen.

Babette. Still gorgeous, just a little heavier in the hips as the years go by. She’s 38 now, and says it started when she was 35. Is eating the same as always, just stopped burning it off in the same way. That  and a diminished sex (and party) drive have been the hallmarks of her latter 30’s. Aard is just as horny as ever, wants to have sex morning noon and night seven days a week, has sex on the brain as he bikes around town. At first they got into spats when he wanted to and she didn’t, but she stopped beating herself up after Alec told her, ‘You can never have enough sex with your man’ and it sounds like they’ve reached harmony around it. 

She and Aard each have a horse.  Bought them a year or two ago for about Euro 3500 each.  A couple attempting to start a horse business keep them in the field behind their house, and B&A stay in an old camper van in the back yard when they go up for the weekend, which is just about every weekend.  It costs Euro 200 a month to keep each horse, and another 200 for the camper. They are learning to ride in a horse-friendly way developed by a guy called Parelli. B just got her ‘level 1’ certificate. Her goal (her goal!) is to ride to San Diago de  Campestella (from Holland) in 2012, after their traditional 12-12-12 party.

 I’m just going to miss their 10-10-10 party on the boat this weekend. Last year on 9-9-9 they had a pancake party, and the year before they barbequed a couple of goats on 19th century grills.

Riding is not without its dangers. Babette has a not insignificant scar on her chin from a fall she took five years ago (have I never noticed it before? Or do I just forget each time between seeing her?). And more recently Aard lost a finger when the horse went wild and he thought it prudent to jump off, forgetting he had the reins wrapped in his hand. He recovered the digit and had it was sewn back on at the hospital.

Then there was the major mishap at De Zwaan in December 2008. The cases with all the porcelain and glassware collapsed the morning of what was to be the most profitable auction ever for De Zwaan, and several 100s of 1000s of value were destroyed.  She called the insurance immediately but they refused even to send someone to assess the damage, saying she wasn’t insured even though this company has insured everything for the van de Brinks for the last fifty years. Eventually they paid out a meager sum. She still doesn’t know exactly what the financial balance of that year is.

Things were very bad in 2002, the year the Euro was introduced in Holland. Her father died in 2004. Things picked up in 2005-2007. Then this disaster in 2008. And now it’s back to scraping by. She’s not putting anything away for retirement, but she has a houseboat and a horse.

There’s still the baby question. We both shrug our shoulders and comment our biological clocks never started ticking. But she’s conscious that at 38 she’s running out of time. Aard would like to have a kid, and for a while he brought it up. ‘C’mon, it’s the biological thing to do, we’re meant to reproduce, let’s get on with it; don’t think about it, it’ll be fine.’  He hasn’t brought it up for a while, but it’s in on her mind. She thinks the only way she could do it would be to sell De Zwaan and take to the road gypsy-style (with baby, then). Part (most?) of the baby-apprehension stems from visions of a life shuttling from the kraam to pre-school and on, and questions about where the money would come from to maintain her life-style and provide for the kid. Sure, poor people do it (eg Fidel and Daan who are about to have their 3rd) – but who knows what sacrifices they’re making and whether B would/could make those too.

Tbc

Tues, Oct 5 - Huub & Marybeth leave NL! Dinner with Pieter & Ciske & Pleun & Pipa

Woke up 1am-ish and was inspired to put pen to Huub’s card, in the bathroom so as not to wake up Mom. But when I emerged she sat up with a start and asked if I was ok: had I been in the bathroom a long time… or had she dozed off? / Both of us woke up 6.10am-ish and dozed to 6.15 and then to 6.20. Showered and packed up the room. At 7.15am Mom went next door to help Huub dress and at 7.45am I finished up his packing. Had breakfast in Huub’s room – a cup of tea and OJ, the left-over croissant, the last of the sliced bread and plakjes beemster. Huub at the desk, Mom in the chair in the corner, me on the bed.  I ferried our 3-bags-each to the front door, while Mom finished off her packing and Huub watched some teletext; at 8.50am Huub went to the restaurant for a cup of coffee and I snuck the time to write Mom’s card. Aad & Joke drove by at 9am to say goodbye – she’d just been for a blood test, and Aad warned me from the driver’s seat not to get too close, saying he had the grippe. Our taxi arrived 5mins early at 9.10am and we were all packed up and ready to go by 9.15am. Our driver from Suriname of Behari afkomst warned us the drive would take 45mins instead of the more usual 30min, because of rush hour traffic – and we were indeed stuck ‘in de file’ for about 10mins just before La Place. Huub enjoyed his elevated perch in the front seat and was quiet most of the ride, but did entertain us with some historical anecdotes about the Haarlemmer Meer Polder as well as the Landsmeer Polder (one of the oldest, dating from something like 1400). Mom admired the clean lines and greenness of the landscape, and gawked at the files (traffic jams) in directions opposite and perpendicular  to ours. We chatted most of the way. She’s a little down on staying in the basement at Jim’s (it’s a little musty) but of course very grateful for his hospitality.  I asked if she thought she’d go with Jim’s family to the River Road Congregation (Souad from APC in The Hague had asked if Asbury had a church), and she said she’d probably find something closer to her own community <at Asbury>. She reminded me Ensign will be in London in October. ‘I hope he’s alright,’ she said, about his spontaneously deciding to join Amma on her trip to London to visit her daughter after the birth of her first grandchild. She reiterated that he’s on meds and insinuated through her concern that he may be in some kind of manic phase. ‘I mean, that’s…wonderful <that he’s taking all these trips>.’  “Wonderful” was not the word her tone of voice would have inserted into that sentence. It was weird: her criticism of /concern for Ensign, which was evident because voiced but un-pinpointable (or -reproachable) because unspoken.  ‘It’s too bad in this land of water I never found people to go sailing with; it would have been so nice to go sailing.’ Really?! Isn’t Toon Visser a big yachtsman, and didn’t I just hear this week how Aad and Joke got together through their mutual love of sailing? I notice I get annoyed at what I consider ‘insincere regret’ or ‘insincere yearning’ – expressing regret for the absence of something one minute before midnight when the hands of the clock have made a full rotation without your having mentioned wanting that something even once. I didn’t make any comment out loud. / We get dropped at Schiphol T-3 (not the KLM terminal) for the BA flight, and our driver loads the bags onto two trolleys and Huub tips him Euro 10 on top of the Euro 50 fare. We make our way to counter 21, I check them in at the automatic kiosk, and unload their 6 bags at the bag drop. They are relieved I am dealing with the machines and the robotic people and the heavy bags. We take photos by the counter. We’re all relaxed. We go for coffee and a pain au raisin at the 9-table Java Kiosk, and I give them their cards. They are touched. Mom asks when I had time to buy and write the cards. She scoffs where in my card I said she’d scoff, but she seems touched. Huub is moved, and says once again that he wouldn’t be here <sitting in this chair at the airport, in one piece, and crying> if it weren’t for me helping him. And I did help him. And I helped Mom by helping Huub, because otherwise she would have had to help Huub, and she would never have gotten both her and his stuff (leave stand the household stuff) done. It’s good I came. / We went over to the ‘Passenger Assistance’ desk and the young girl told us we were supposed to have arrived a full hour ahead of time and we were 15mins late; she would ‘do her best’ to get someone to help us. Huub and Mom talked over each other to tell her she’d have to get it done, rather than do her best, because they had a plane to catch to America. Funny to see someone so young already acting so crotchety, and somebody in customer service increasing her customers’ stress (totally unnecessarily) rather than reassuring them. Took a seat to wait for the buggy, and MB&H asked the man next to them where he was traveling to. San Diago. In the US. Ah-not San Diago de Chile then. Nor San Diago de Compostella. The girl approached to tell us her buggy colleagues had arrived, and led us over to a gate to passport control that I could not pass through – and I said a hurried goodbye to Mom and then Huub. Huub said ‘I love you’ – to my surprise in English. They had to re-open the gate for him and I last saw him hurrying to catch up with the rest, disappearing around a corner out of my view. / Took myself and my bags downstairs to the train departures hall, bought a ticket to Lelylaan (paying an extra Euro 1 on a Euro 2.50 ticket for using a credit card), and caught the 11.32am train. Struggled down the narrow aisle of first class to the second class half of the train. No place to put luggage, so hoped nobody would struggle like me down the aisle, before my stop. At Lelylaan descended the stairs, exited the station, crossed the raod, and Tram 1 came within 5 mins. Presented my Strippenkaart and was told this was no longer accepted in Amsterdam. I asked if I could be reimbursed for it anywhere; the conductor didn’t know. I had an OV card on me from my March visit to Rotterdam, and asked how much a 2-zone fare was using the card; the conductor didn’t know.  I noted that the machine where I tapped in did not give me a read out of my balance; how could I find that out? She thought upon tapping-out the machine would give me a balance, but wasn’t sure. (It does in fact do so). / Got off at Rheinvis Fijt Straat (what a great name, eh?), and Reyer Anslo Straat is right there. / Tota opened the door in a green knit dress, the skirt Pierot-like. She’d knit it herself. She didn’t feel like doing anything much today, and stayed home knitting. She picked up knitting (again) about three years ago, and can’t make anything more for herself (she has enough knit-wear now). She asked again about my many bags, and I explained again that only two were going on to London with me. She said I was crazy if I was planning to carry them all up to Alec’s – did I know how steep the stairs are to his apartment, and that there are two flights before the front door? I explained I needed to repack the bags in any event, and she said I was welcome to do that in her living room. So I unpacked and repacked, and she / we chatted, and the TV was on in the background airing the Commonwealth Games so she wouldn’t miss the gymnastics and the participation of the 17-year-old daughter of an Englishman who used to rent upstairs from them. <check>.  Used Tota’s laptop to check 9292nl and the route to the Bijlmer Arena , and also checked email – asked Susan if I could stay at her’s this weekend, responded to Sharon’s mail of a week ago, wrote Wren finally and hoped we could meet up in London, apologized to Byron for radio silence. / Paul helped me carry my re-packed bags through the Vondelpark to 16 Saxenburger Straat, but didn’t offer to heave them up the stairs. Took them up one at a time, and unpacked into Felix’s old room. The flat still has a fair bit of furniture left, just no character.  And the paintings that happen to be up on the walls detract rather than enhance.  Where did the stained glass go, btw? / A piece of paper lying on the dining room table was a Biblical text, underlined – ‘Jezus in de woestijn.’ Tota had mentioned that Joya had become a devout Christian; “Better that than sex or drugs, eh?” / Went back to Tota’s and wrapped up presents for Pleun & Pieter & Ciske, and fit everything into a wheelie bag and a plastic bag. / Caught tram 1 and metro 50 (dir Gein) to Station Bijlmer (took about 20mins), exited on the side of the buses, located and aimed for the Adidas building, then skirted ‘round to the back and found Alex in Afrika (each segment of what Pieter later told me was the old Fokker HQ building is named after a continent). The area is now something of a poor man’s Canary Wharf. 20 years ago it didn’t feel safe to walk around here; now I’m the only person walking away from the  metro at 5pm against a tide of suits. Called Pieter and he emerged 10mins later. Took elevator down to the garage, and hopped in his station wagon. Something felt a little off. Is it that he’s coming off work, and his mind is still elsewhere even though he’s doing his best to (pretend to) be present with me? Or is he pissed off at me for arriving at 5.20pm rather than at 5pm but is not going to mention it?  Brief catch up on his job (he’s heading up a 15 man team, and just got a Business Process outsourcing contract from SNS, ‘So I’m golden for the next 7 years’); Ageeth (“It doesn’t do her any good to cater to her whims; I can be ‘bot’ but do think it’s better for her to get out of the house and have some social interaction”); Pleun (now 5, in the 3rd level of the Montesorri school – which we drove past); Ciske (taking the course to become a personal trainer – the theory exam is in November, and the practical is in December; her birthday is Oct 24th 1972, fyi). Oddly Huub & Mom’s departure seemed kind-of non-news. I had bags with me full of books and gifts for him and the family, and he asked if I’d had a good trip. When I said I’d just seen them off this morning, he remained quiet. He did say something to the effect of, ‘Well, Marybeth must be happy’ and I felt compelled to explain how Marybeth has not been pining for the US, and it’s about having a support network at hand should anything go wrong with her or Huub’s health.

Tbc

Mon, Oct 4 - Gemeente Huis, Hema, Bastion, Bogaard, 401, Borrel with Karin & Hennie, Monique, Anna Milena

Mom woke up to a sound in the hall with a loud ‘Ha?’ at about 7.15am.  Finished off the Avatar article in the New York Review (of Books) while she did her exercises in bed, and then read Michael Lewis’ brilliant review of the Greek debt crisis that Jim had emailed, while she showered. She went next door to check on Huub, and he reported he’d had a spell of Meuniere’s. She said his balance wasn’t too bad when she walked him to the bathroom, but that he was going to lie back down for a while.

At 10am she kept the appointment with the Huismeester at Clavecimbellaan 401 to turn over the keys, and have him inspect the apartment.  She returned saying she’d forgotten to take Huub’s set of keys with her , so those still need to be dropped off.

tbc

Sun, Oct 3 - Dropped bags A’dam, 2pm Zoetermeer Wim, Take out dinner from Japanese

MB asked politely whether I wanted to use the shower. I said I’d showered last night and wasn’t planning to shower this morning. When she came out, she apologized for taking so long; she does her exercises in the shower to stretch her arms and shoulders. Then she apologized for creating a tempest in a teapot last night; she’s over-tired. I said of course I know that she chooses her friends on their merits, and see that Aad and Gies are real fighters (as in: against the odds). She lamented not having seen Elisabeth van Tuinen and Souad Khoury, her real friends. She asked to be reminded to call them.

I packed my bags and left for Amsterdam shortly before 10am, to drop them off around the corner from Alec’s while I still have use of the car: 2 of my own, and 2 with things to take along to Pieter’s on Tuesday. A brilliantly sunny morning, and balmy. Cows sharp-edged in the light against the green pastures, where you could almost see the blades of grass. Groene Hart Nederland and the three windmills – one traditional, two turbines – 15km north of Rijswijk. I hope I can take a photo tomorrow on the way to the airport. A4 all the way to Ring West Amsterdam, then exit S106 to the Suriname Plein and then the Overtoom.

Tota & Paul, Joya’s grandparents (they must be in their early 60s, I suppose), live in the Reyer Anslostraat, one street over from Alec’s. Paul has a meubelwinkel at the end of the Saxonburgerstraat, and built and installed Alec’s kitchen. They worked closely together designing it, and became friends. So when Alec was concerned about squatters in his empty apartment, it made sense for Paul’s grand-daughter and Felix’s sometime babysitter, Joya, to move in. Tota is a small walnut of a woman – slight and wiry, olive skinned (or tanned), shoulder-length black-brown hair with a straight fringe. I heard her say ‘Oh shit’ as she came to open the front door, cigarette in hand.

Sat, Oct 2 - Rabobank Wrap, GWK & Pannekoeken in Delft, Gies at 't Oude Nest

Skype w V, Rabobank, Pancakes in Delft, Dinner with Gies at ‘t Oud Nest, Row w Mom

Fri, Oct 1st - Carpet Removal & Borrel at Reinier's

Thur, Sept 30 - Kringloop & Savelberg

Wed, Sept 29 - Last Day Packing

Pancake b’fast, Last day packing, 10am computer Reinier, Luis, Bastion move, bean spaghetti leftovers, H midnight, M 3am, MB 5am